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Thursday, January 5, 2017

Its all worth it..

A few months ago, I've decided to choose, heck, I was pushed to choose. HE showed me that my life is beginning to shatter. I'm just too blind to see it. My bestfriend had to die so I can take a good look of what I am missing. As if HE wanted to send me a message. That I've been so preoccupied by my job that I forgot that I have friends to see often and children to take care of more than anything else. I was taught lessons that I failed to plan for. I had to get sick, challenged hard in the office, lose important friends. Everything were flashed right before my eyes because I'm too blind to see them. What made me decide is that fact that I almost lost my son twice because I wasn't there to look after him. I've prayed heaven and earth that he gets better and until now I'm scared and still praying that there's no long term effect to his health.

Where I am now is literally a leap of faith because its like I'm back to zero. I quit my job finally and so I don't have money. I know and I believe that God has plans for me and my family, and its a better one. I may not have anything now but every time I see my kids, hear them laugh, actually talk with them, play with them, love my cooking. Its like there's nothing in this world could ever go wrong. My worries would go away every time they goof around or tell me that they love me. Its like life is complete and nothing else matter.

Saturday, March 19, 2016

Its never goodbye! 
It was really hard and until now I couldn't let you go. Can't pass the memories I've had with you. It could have been longer. It could have been sweeter. You've shown me what friendship is all about.It's exactly how LOVE was described in Corinthians verses. You are the kindest person I met. You loved me unconditionally. You were always there when I needed you the most. When I was sick; when I was hurt; when I was the happiest. That's why when you left, I can't seem to forgive myself for not doing the same thing for you. Then I realized there are things we do for the people we love without them asking for it. It brings tears to my eyes every time I think of how much you loved me and how you made me feel important.
There are only few people I trust because there's only few who can understand how it is like to watch the sunset and feel that something is being taken away from you. How the rain brings back memories of the past as much the familiar scents of perfume. How our smile and laughter varies according to the state of our heart. You are the only one who can make me bring out all that there is in me. You made me believe in impossible.
With you I can laugh my heart out because in that particular moment, I am me. Its as if to hell with what other people would say. This is who are and nothing's ever going to change that. We owned the world like nothing is going to go wrong as long as we are together. That was pure ecstasy.
My love, you will be forever in my heart and I know I will be forever in yours. We will be together again someday and we will paint the sky with rainbows as we walk the path of heavens. We will fill it with the music of our endless laughter. Until then my love..its never goodbye.

Thursday, August 27, 2015

Short but Sweet

This is how funny life gets. When you've wished for something to happen and it came along right away. You thought its going to be very light, no pressure and all but I think this kind of setup really does have a time line. Not sure though because some sort most of the time does have a time line or expiration for that matter.

It will start with butterflies and flowers. In this case red roses. :)
Staring with each other. Looking at each other eyes without blinking. Shy away sometimes if its been awkward.
Long kisses. And quick stolen ones. In different places or even when just going down the stairs. Exciting, isn't it?
Feels like you're young again. Back when dating is nothing but happiness. Its an extraordinary feeling. Like you're high and so alive. You will forget what loneliness feels like.

After that, you get to be comfortable with each other and that's when complication arise. One would start asking until when do you plan to continue with "Just Fun" setup. There would be demand that as if you're into something serious. Then he would tell you how he very much wants to be with you and include you on his plans. This one is a killer, he was too ill but he came all the way from a very far place just to see you and kiss you like there's no tomorrow, like it will be the last, like its goodbye. He's kissing you all over your face while whispering that he loves you. Damn! That sends shiver down my spine. There's guilt but now its more than that.

The earth has shifted. Now you're the victim of the game that you're playing. You wanted him to make you the center of his universe but he couldn't. You tend to question, what are you really ready to give? You're asking him too much but you are not sure if you have something to give. Why can't you just let him be for now until he's certain.

You're failed relationship can explain this. You are tired of waiting for someone to change for the better, always at the bottom of priorities, always giving but rarely receiving.





Monday, August 17, 2015

Entitled

Let me put it into writing
All the pain; the tears; the hurt
Its excruciating.
Exhausting.

Why can't you give me what I deserve
It feels like you were never there
The fact that all you did was to hurt me

All the good were in the past now
Its true, good things must come to an end
Until the pain of now overshadow what was good then
Too bad, you have completely ceased to remember
How we move the fog from our breathing
Rubbing our hands together to keep warm
We left them all in the place where it all began
Sadly it had to end there as well 

Now all I ask is for you to let me be
Take a glance inside my heart
Hear what it has to say
Speak with it...

 

 
EMPTY

Walk in to the darkness
Silence is deafening
Wishing to hear a little laughter
Your innocent face to lighten up my day

Turn up the volume
So I won't have to search
For what my heart seem to long for

It sucks to feels alone
Look somewhere, anywhere
As every day weakens all of you

How I'd wish it could be easy
Can't stop the tears
Even my fears

God, please hold onto me
I know, like all things
It will come to an end..


Wednesday, August 12, 2015

Collection of Dreams

Dreams Obsession

These are all I was able to gather so I'd know what's up with my life and so I can be guided by them. This is actually what happens when you don't just talk to anyone about anything. When you are being choosy to the kind of people you let in your life. When you don't get the chance to talk to people who would understand you. They are just too rare nowadays. Or maybe I'm just too particular.

*********To dream that you are shopping for or buying clothes indicates that you are apprehensive about being accepted by others. You aren't sure if you are the correct fit for the position you are taking on.
-May 2013

********To dream that you have a bloody nose means that your character is under attack.
-May 2013


*******To dream that a rat is biting your feet is analogous to the rat race that you are experiencing in your waking life.
-May 2013

****************
To dream of seeing or being bitten by a snake implies that you are afraid and anxious about some issue in your life. Perhaps this dream is suggesting that you should be aware of a pending situation that may cause you harm. The snake can also represent someone in your life who is heartless, cruel, and treacherous. 
-Early 2012   
Its so hard to be away from you. Its like losing something so valuable. I feel so incomplete like the most important part of my body in order to function is missing. I long to hear your laugh; when you call me when you need me to do something for you; when you cry when nobody else seem to understand you. 

When you were born, you made me believe again for something real and you made me believe that I can be whole again. You brought me happiness and fulfillment I never imagine I can experience again. You made me the person I didn't think I can be. I never wanted to be away from you even a single day. If I had a choice back then and even now, I won't choose to be away from you or you from me. It saddens me every time I remember why we have to be apart. 

Baby love, everyday the thought of being far from you brings tears to my eyes. It makes me come up with impossible or things far from reality just to beat the distance. 

My love, just always remember that I love you til the ends of the earth. Nothing should ever come between us even the darkest days of our lives. My love for you will be there with you wherever you are. All my prayers are for you, so you'll be safe, you'll learn to love, you'll learn to stand up whenever you fall because my love is always alive in you. There will a come time, we will be together again, very soon my love....very soon!