............ a picture without a face
............ a rose embedded with thorns
............ a child remained unborn
............ unkept promise
............ undetermined truth
Its really hard to face the consequence of your own choice. What's even worst is marinig mo yung line na "pinili mo yan so panindigan mo." Parang hinihila ka lang pababa instead of giving you other alternative option para mabawasan yung burden. "Ayaw mo ng broken home ha, oh eto work your ass off til death at asa ka pa na magkabahay ka or makapag masteral degree ka. Sweet..Minsan gusto mo lang pagsisihan yung mga nangyari which is sobrang useless coz hindi mo na mababalik yung panahon na nawala. Its a shame to admit na "nasa huli ang pagsisisi". Actually parang hindi din, I've been through hell nung magkahiwalay kami knowing na he cheated on me for one specific reason( "kasi magkalayo tayo"). Until now malabo pa din yun kasi magkasama na kami nahuli ko pa sya na continuous communication nila. Hindi ko lang alam ngayon, minsan naprapraning ako kasi cold ang relationship namin. Haha kaya nga naaliw ako when I read something that goes like this in fb .."Hindi ka manlalamig sa taong mahal mo kung wala kang ibang nilalandi"...
Ganon lang ata talaga pagmagkasama na kayo hindi naman laging kilig moments. Sa pinagdadaanan namin ngayon, ang hirap maging cheezy. Imagine, yung financial problems namin ang sakit sa bangs. Leche, yung pangarap ng mga anak ko na own house lalong lumalabo which is a huge disappointment talaga kasi we don't want to appear like incapable parents.
Ang hirap kasi ng hinihingi nya ngayon, I really want to support him with his career pero hello! we can't afford it right now. He wants to go somewhere tapos iiwan nya kami ng mga bata ng walang assurance na pagbalik nya we will live happily ever after? In all unfairness, gagastos pa sya pagdating nya don. Can someone please justify? What we need right now is stable income kasi habang lumalaki mga bata lumalaki din ang gastos. I restlessly think about what we can do to achieve that. Nagkabusiness nga kami pero parang hindi pa kumikita tapos nababawasan pa. Though ang gusto ko lang naman maramdaman nya na magkaroon ng sarili nyang business, sadly hindi nya naman kayang alagaan. Lahat nalang kailangan mo pa iutos sa kanya hindi kayang panindigan yung gagawin nyang decision.
Sabi nga nila one thing why you would truly love a person is because of his weaknesses. I feel like he needs me now more than ever. Dapat parang telenovela lang, pag walang pang support sayo ang asawa mo dapat iwan na haha... Pinipilit kong maramdaman yun pero hindi ganon coz hindi naman nya gusto nangyayari saknya. This is where the element of faith comes in. That God has a reason for every single thing that is happening. I also believe na umiikot ang gulong so hindi ka lagi nasa ilalim.
Diary ba ito? haha hirap talaga pag nsa foreign land ka. Wala kang matakbuhan, sarili mo lang pwede mo iyakan nakakabaliw diba? Masaklap pa don yung taong inaasahan mo hindi ka kayang idefend sa inevitable force ng nature. May ganon?
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